- Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. -
Gossiping is a human universal. I do not mean that all cultures have some form of gossiping within them. I mean all of humanity gossips.
Why? It’s not right to say it is sin and we love sinning. Not all human beings (even those we would consider immoral) commit murder, adultery, or fraud.
In fact, you can be a particularly abusive and cruel individual, hated by your family, and never even dabble in one of the sins noted above.
So why is gossiping a human universal, as I’ve defined it? Because there is utility in gossiping without much cost.
Say a manager treats you poorly, you can share that story with your peers to learn if that is normal or abnormal behavior.
If its normal, now you have a different way to interact with your boss. You are now more defensive and know which topics to avoid.
The cost for doing so? Primarily the costs are made up front in the relationships you made, and your reputation stays relatively intact.
The true cost is hidden. The environment has not improved i.e. your boss’s character and flaws stay the same.
What am I saying? Your ability to navigate a difficult environment has improved but not the underlying problems, such as a short temper, their brusque demeanor, etc.
This is the “sin” of gossiping. Not that it isn’t useful or that sometimes it may be your best solution, but obviously the best outcome is one where the poor behavior is corrected.
As a Christian, try to not gossip. Go to people who you think will hear you and explain to them your concerns humbly, assuming you might be mistaken.
By doing so, you give the other person the opportunity to make things right through explanation or by acknowledging their own flaw.
If they actually make the correction, then that’s great! You’ve solved your problem, theirs, and future employees who work with them.
Difficult, but hard to get frustrated by those results.
So, should you take what someone says to heart? As far as it hurts your feelings, no. You should realize that’s a human universal.
Should you listen to their corrections? Mostly, yes. Sometimes people are just trying to ruin your reputation with false or heavily biased views.
Depending on the extent of what’s being discussed and who it reaches will greatly influence the decision to defend yourself or not.
Most of the time? When people are discussing a character flaw behind your back though, they’re right.
You don’t want to believe that. It goes against your pride and your perception of yourself. You’re a relatively decent person. Why would anyone have something bad to say about you?
That’s because most decent people are blind to their flaws. How do you know?
What do you think about more, your own flaws or the flaws of others? Want to find out? Start making a journal entry every time you have a negative thought.
If you find yourself struggling to see your own faults, then why would you take the discussion of them to heart? Yes, it would be better for those individuals to speak to you, but they are providing you a service.
The wise man loves rebuke. He loves it in all forms, even those that are not presented perfectly or conventionally.
When others speak ill, don’t hate, learn.
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