Ecclesiastes 4:3

- But better than both is he who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun. -

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich from Pexels

And you guys thought the last post was dark.

I feel like this is the Ecclesiastes version of the meme “hold my beer.”

Okay, enough of that. Why in the world is this lovely thought in our Bible?

Let’s consider this from Solomon’s perspective first. Wisest king to rule Israel, built the temple, and Son of David. That guy had it all!

And, he squandered it. In Proverbs, you know – the other book he wrote, he explicitly warns about the dangers regarding following after women that got him into this mess.

In addition to all that, the goal of Ecclesiastes is Solomon’s attempt to find meaning in life. This is done explicitly knowing he is the King of Israel, God’s chosen people, and the wisest man on earth.

What does he find? Nothing. Worse, the very judgment seat he occupies can be used to oppress the weak, perhaps even by his own hand at times.

Solomon looks at his inability to live out his purpose and says, “Why on earth was I ever born if this was my end?”

Man, I don’t know about you, but I’ve had that thought too. Sometimes its fleeting, such as my guilt at a stupid mistake, and sometimes it arrests me for days over something I’m truly mournful about.

Well, maybe that’s just me, but it is comforting to see a man as noble as Solomon had similar struggles.

Now that’s Solomon’s perspective but how should we think about the meaning in the text?

Is it better to have never been?

This is about to get really heavy and personal. My wife and I have been struggling with infertility for close to three years.

Through this post, I can’t even truly begin to give those of you who have not gone through it insight into how difficult and painful a process this is.

Let me just say it’s as awful as you can possibly imagine. Here’s three things to give you an idea.

1. I’ve wanted children since I was in kindergarten. I distinctly remember having that thought driving in the car with my father past a car dealership when I was five years old.

2. The most common type of miscarriage is anembryonic pregnancy (it was referred to as a blighted ovum in the past). This means you receive a positive pregnancy test, a fertilized egg implants itself in the uterus, and the fetus fails to develop. This has happened in one of our three miscarriages.

3. IVF is not what you think it is. Imagine taking 3-4 painful shots in your stomach every night for weeks, paying for that privilege, all the while the hormones make you shaky, angry, and irrational.

I haven’t gone far enough even in the above to describe the soul crushing tragedy that is infertility. I don’t think the events I’ve described get anywhere close to how traumatic they are.

Now, I’ve leaned on God a lot through out this whole process, but one thing I’ve never doubted is that suffering through this was a testament, not only to my potential children, but to the idea of raising children.

If I proved faithless, what would that say about my belief in God’s future?

Yes, the days do appear dark, and I find that all the more reason to trust in the light.